Sports News 22 June 09

To: Guinness Breweries
Dublin Ireland

ATTN: The Record Keeper – Guinness Book of World Records 

Gidday Sir,

I’m a long time fan of your product and a recent convert to your book of world records, having recently been crowned the world’s most ignored sporting blog.

I write to you with concern and a great deal of despair as I believe that I have a candidate for world’s least deserving All Black.  Enclosed is a DVD of last Saturday’s test match against France and I believe that there should be sufficient evidence to change the entry for worst player to ever wear the black jersey to Stephen Donald.  Whilst the current tie at the top between Reuben Thorne, Leon MacDonald and Caleb Ralph was unarguable until last Saturday I do feel that Donald’s performance was not only pathetic but downright embarrassing to the plethora of quality players that have pulled on the mighty jersey in the past.

Should you require any further opinion as to the awfulness™ of Mr Donald please find attached a list of my mates (one of whom is a Mooloo through and through) who can further testify on Donald’s patheticness™, uselessness™ and woefulness™.

Please feel free to check though my records of previous entries into your fine book as testament to my character.

In the mathematics edition you’ll note that I was the person that calculated that the longest possible recordable measurement of time known to man is the time that it took Andy Ellis to clear out the ball from a ruck.

In the biology edition I put forward Carlos Spencer as the perfectly biologically formed man and also was responsible for the capturing of the planet’s first ever invisible man – Reuben Thorne.

The most recent of my entries was in the sports edition when (after reviewing the DVD I enclosed) you confirmed that the Manurewa Presidents XV was the worst team ever to take to a rugby field.  On an interesting note I received a text from Stephen Donald on Sunday morning asking if he could have a spot in the ‘Rewa Hard but Noodles had a good game in the ten jersey on Saturday so I impolitely declined.

Kindest Regards

Mike
Full time bench player
‘Rewa Hard Pressies XV