Any doubts yours truly may have had about the arrival of the Super 14 season were well and truly put to the back of mind after a week of some of the weirdest rugby I can remember.
Everything started off normally enough with The Mighty Mighty Blues doing everything they could to lose to the High-Landers before eventually smashing the hapless South Islanders by four points. Stephen Bloody Brett was once again about as useful as a curling stone at a ski-jump competition. Brett did nothing to help the cause except allow himself to get run over by his opposite number Michael Hobbs (ex Mighty Mighty Auckland) and getting what the Yanks would call an assist on yet another opposition try. Adding to the M.M.B’s woes was a DunningesqueTM decision by The Otahuhu Nugget not to kick for goal from out in front whilst four points in the lead with five minutes left on the clock. Brains are clearly not Mighty Mighty Auckland’s forte at the administrative level and clearly the stupidity is rubbing off on the players too. Still – a win’s a win – and it’s a hell of a lot better than what Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury managed.
True fans of the game will remember the 32-12 drubbing that D.F.C. Canterbury put on the Banana Benders in last year’s competition and I for one was considering giving the game a miss. Fortunately for me I went broke in the home poker game just in time to catch kick off in what must surely have been the game of the round. Eleven years of beatings must have been breaking point for the Queenslanders as they put on a display of quality rugby to beat a D.F.C. Canterbury team that looked ‘Rewa Hard Pressies XV than a professional footie team. Andy Ellis was again the villain for D.F.C. Canterbury, gifting Quade Cooper an intercept pass that was easier to read than an article in Penthouse. Suffice it to say that I went to bed smiling... broke, but smiling all the same.
I awoke on Saturday morning with the sort of cheeky grin you’d expect to see on the face of the only heterosexual male in the Pairs Ice Dancing competition after their post-Olympics social. Still recovering from the perfect results from Friday night I tuned into the highlights of the Lions / Chiefs game... at least that is what I thought. It turned out I was watching a full replay. The lacklustre defence on display could at best be described as Chris MartinesqueTM.
In other matches from the weekend, the Hurricanes match at the Caketin only proved that the Western Force couldn’t beat an egg, the Bulls look like being the team to watch from the Republic in beating the Brumbies, the Stormers beat the Warratahs and the Cheetahs beat the Shoorks in the “who cares” game of the round.
Coming up next week are a few mouth watering fixtures. Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury take on the Shoorks at whatever the name of Christchurch’s Stadium is this week. Having just watched a rerun of Jaws III on C4 whilst typing this, I’ve always felt as if the Shoorks are my second team and they will be well worth a lazy Rutherford at the TAB. My Mighty Mighty Blues will put on a demonstration of how to beat the Reds in the battle of the colours (watch closely Cantabs) and look forward to the Chiefs finishing their 3 match road trip with a 100% record in a 50 point win over the Force in Perth.
It would be remiss of me to sign off without a mention of the upcoming Black Caps series against the Dirty Filthy Cheating ‘Straalyns. It’s gonna be a tough one for the lads and I really don’t think we’ve got much of a show. The best thing we can all do as patriotic New Zealander’s is draw strength from those who have demonstrated strength before us. At this time of the year when the Winter Olympics showcase the best of worldwide sport and sportsmanship, let us not forget the deeds of Tonya Harding and kneecap them at any possible opportunity.