“A weekend in the life of a couch potato”
… or “There must be more to life than watching sport – but I hope not”
… or “Rough notes from a rough weekend”
Thursday : ‘Naki 25 v Otago 15
An early start to a long weekend and certainly not the most entertaining game you’ll ever see. Otago are promising to make the 2011 second division of the ITM Cup the only league in New Zealand played indoors whilst the real rugby teams battle the elements. I bet Jamie Joseph is seriously thinking about doing a Shane Smeltz before the Super 15 starts.
Friday – (Parts 1 & 2): Tasman 15 – Southland 21 and Mighty Mighty New Zealand Warriors 36 – Broncos 4
The ITM Cup match kicked off first and as Mrs Potato was out on the piss I strapped myself in for a big night. Southland looked on top for most of the game but the score was kept close mainly due to a severe lack of ball handling skills on both sides. Blenheim looks like a hellhole in winter at night. I hope Aaron Cruden comes up with the goods against the Wallabies because if Robbie Robinson is in the frame for first five we can kiss the William Webb Ellis trophy goodbye. An awfully boring first half punctuated only by penalty kicks. Warriors look pretty good though… in such a formulated game (5 hit-ups – kick, 5 hit-ups kick etc) the season long plan of kicking to Vatuvei on the left wing didn’t seem to need any changing. Poor Yow Yeh was made to look pretty average as did all of the Broncos. I flicked five or six times back to the rugby but it always seemed to be line-out or scrum time so spent most of the night watching the league. A text after the Warriors game from an unnamed Cubic staff member (we’ll call her Kalene) asking if I was on board the Warriors bandwagon was answered positively. I resolved not to mention the Warriors in this weeks ramble but the rest of the weekend did not go well. League fans take note – this UnionHead watched more of the league than the Union.
Friday Part 3 : Brisbane Roar 1 – Mighty Mighty Phoenix 0
Whilst I’m still rather embarrassed about admitting to watching the league, I’m not afraid to admit that the Football World Cup has inspired me to keep an eye on the Mighty Mighty Phoenix this year. The matchup against the Roar promised plenty. Ex Phoenix fan-favourite Costa Barbarouses was up against his old teammates and have looked good this season so far whilst the Mighty Mighty Phoenix are surely the most exciting to happen to Wellington since… since… - ‘nuff said. The first half desperately needed a goal to liven things up although Mark Paston once again proved he is no mere mortal with 3 outstanding saves late in the half. The goal eventually came but it was chalked up to Costa and the lads just couldn’t come back. The Ring of fire is a fortress but the Phoenix are once again showing that they travel about as well as an amaxophobic hermit (google it).
Saturday Part 1 : Mighty Mighty Tall Blacks 79 – Lithuania 92
I was up early once again in the – perhaps unjustified – hope that the Tall Blacks would lift for their first game in the FIBA World Cup. It was not to be. We held in there for the first quarter but were completely destroyed in the second. Phil Jones was looking way past his prime and the team could not be carried by Kirk Penney. I must admit I really enjoyed the cutaway shots of some of the Lithuanian fans though… I can see why it’s becoming a popular weekend for English stag trips. Kudos to the directors.
Saturday (Parts 2 & 3): Waikato 39 – Counties Manukau 3& Wellington 31 – Northland 28
The afternoon games in the ITM Cup proved to be about as different as you can get. At Dairy Farmers Stadium Waikato finally started to show some form in demolishing their neighbours Counties Manukau whilst Northland demonstrated that it aint over ‘till it’s over and lead almost all of the match until the inevitable happened and the Lions pipped them at the post. Still – given that half of the Taniwha Squad are an Auckland club team they showed some good signs and may even play their way into the top seven for next years split competition. Counties Manukau, in contrast, are threatening to join lowly Otago in division 2.
Saturday Part 4 : Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury 35 – Mighty Mighty Auckland 16
I’d rather not talk about it. SBW managed to pull himself off (Freudian Slip?) the ski field to play in the curtain raiser. He’d better get used to it as Robbie Fruean is looking unbeatable at the moment. If he wasn’t a Dirty Filthy Cheating Cantabrian I’d rate him. Sucks to be us… If the All Blacks really are peaking too early for RWC2011 then get your money on Auckland for the Cup now. We’re in absolutely no danger of peaking at the moment.
Sunday Part 1 : Dirty Filthy Cheating Sprrringbukkks 44 – Dirty Filthy Cheating Walbeees 31
Another early morning for the Potato to watch what was without doubt the sporting event of the weekend and what a pleasant change it was to hear the commentary feed coming though from the Republic had an aussie twang. Instead of sitting through 80 minutes of one-eyed misinformed South African commentary, Sky viewers were treated to 80 minutes of one-eyed misinformed Australian commentary. Frankly, the Aussie forwards are simply not up to it. The scoreline was close but (warning : cliché ahead) if your forwards aren’t going forward you’re not going to have much of a show of winning. Victor Matfield was incredible in the lineouts and Mrs Matfield was incredible in the post-match. Kudos to the directors. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the game was the usually parochial Aussie commentators getting stuck into Dingo Deans toward the end of the match. Regular readers will already know my thoughts on Dean’s coaching ability but I’m a humble bloke and will therefore not say I told you so, I told you so, I told you so.
Sunday Part 2 : England beat Pakistan by an innings and 225 runs (not a misprint)
The Pakistani’s are a blight on the noble gentlemen’s game of test cricket. After having the Poms in a world of hurt early on day one they collapsed to lose in the test match equivalent of a downtrou. To make matters worse the News of the World broke the story of yet more match fixing by the Paki’s. As a huge fan of the longer and purer form of the game I honestly felt sick. Ex BlackCap Ian O’Brien summed it up better than any journo so far in a short and bitter tweet - My sacred game; gone...
Four members of the Pakistan squad have been named but there are more to follow. Mohammad Amir seems to be the prime target for bowling deliberate no-balls. It’s simple really - he should be banned for life. Of course, this will probably not happen because the I.C.C. – rather ironically – have no balls themselves.
Sunday Part 3 : Indy Racing League at Chicagoland Speedway
Anyone who thinks that these guys only turn left needs to get a copy of this race and watch it. Sensational partly because of the close racing and a good result for ‘Rewa Hard’s own Scott Dixon but also because the man with the coolest name in the world is leading the championship – Will Power.
Sunday Parts 4 & 5 : Bay of Plenty 39 – North Harbour 29 & Hawkes Bay 17 – Manawatu 9
It’s fair to say that these were not two of the better games of the weekend and all four teams are likely to be battling it out amongst themselves for mid table honours. The only real highlight was a hattrick to Lelia Masaga although the post try celebrations left a little to be desired. I bet Counties Manukau watched this match with a tear in their eyes – Bay of Plenty have recruited well with not only Masaga but Taniela Moa standing up to be counted for their new team. The Hawkes Bay game was as boring as a netball international and doesn’t rate a mention.
Monday Part 1 : Formula One – Belgian Grand Prix
Have you ever been so tired that you can’t sleep? The weekend on the couch really took it out of me. I was so tired in fact, that I ended up watching the Formula One and even saw a passing move once or twice – or maybe I was just hallucinating. It wasn’t too bad a race really, mainly because Sebastian Vettel appeared to be completely drunk and was bouncing off any object he could find. Great stuff. Lewis Hamilton won it for the record and I finally dozed off only for the alarm to wake me up 4 hours later.
Monday Part 2 : Mighty Mighty Tall Blacks 84 – Spain 101
The Tall Blacks were only 2 points down at the half and were looking pretty good – nearly as good as some of the Spanish supporters in the stands – Kudos to the directors. For the briefest of moments yours truly even thought we may have a shot at upsetting the defending champions but that was probably the delirium setting in. Spain finished on 101 having given the Tall Blacks a lesson in Basketball 101. There will be no repeats of past World Cup glories this year.
So there you have it – I’m shattered – I’m seeing double – I’m done. I’m ready for a quiet weekend but there’s a full weeks work ahead. I guess we’ll do it all again next week but right now I reckon it’ll be a miracle if I even finish this sente….. zzzz