Super 14 Week 4

The potential was there for a blockbuster Saturday.   The Mighty Mighty BlackCaps were running hot after a couple of epic wins on the trot against ‘Straalya in the second T20 and the first one dayer.  Following the cricket, Mighty Mighty Auckland were on a roll and were looking to get a victory against the old foes Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury.
The potential was there for a blockbuster Saturday alright – but the sporting gods refused to play ball.
Friday night was the forbearer to the disasters to come when the Chiefs did what the Chiefs usually excel at and blew a game they were perfectly capable of winning against the Reds.  Having come back from a tough first up road trip to the Republic and W.A. with three wins, the atmosphere at the ‘Tron was hyped as the local community left the milking sheds and headed into town to back their returned heroes.  Unfortunately the Reds, who have been up and down more than most K’ Road workers in the last few weeks, hadn’t read the script and defeated the locals 23 - 18.  Stephen Donald missed 4 of 5 shots at goal (that’s 9 points for those of you counting) and probably cost the Chiefs any chance of a win.   In more bad news for the Chiefs, everyone’s favourite smiling prop Sano Taumalolo was cited for a high tackle on Quade Cooper that didn’t look too bad to me but could have killed Brian O’Driscoll.
After Scott Styris’ heroics of last week, yours truly arrived at the half completed Eden Park with a fair bit of confidence on Saturday morning and the M.M.B.C’s solid but unspectacular fielding performance to hold ‘Straaalya to 270 odd did nothing to wipe the smirk off my face.  Mitchell Johnson was the sledge du jour and I’m sure it was no mistake that Ricky Ponting ensured Johnson fielded on the boundary in front of the main stand.  The dangerous combination of a good start by McCullum, far too much beer and over confidence resulted in my questioning of Johnson’s lineage, sexual preference and requirement for small blue pharmaceutical products.  After his first ball to Piggy Styris I thought I may have been responsible (in my own little way) for the demise of Johnson’s career as it flew 10 feet above the ground, over Styris and a flying Haddin for 4 wides.  Alas my enthusiasm was short lived and the ‘Straaalyns did what they do best in winning a close one.  Unusually for the BlackCaps the top order failed to fire, the middle order did well to make up for the deficiencies of those above them and the tail couldn’t wag long enough.  The only good news to come from NZ cricket over the weekend was confirmation that Jacob Oram is out for the O.D.I’s ensuring we still have a shot at winning the series whilst providing a plethora of new chants for the fans...
Bad knee... bad back- It's time he got the sack - Oram – Oram
No soul, no heart - His body falls apart - Oram – Oram
He's hurt - In Strife - He's softer than his wife - Oram – Oram
The night got worse as I returned home and sat through one of the worst Mighty Mighty Blues performances that I have seen in ages – or at least 3 weeks.  Dirty Filthy Cheating Canterbury completely lived up to their name (except that most of them aren’t from Canterbury) and defeated my MMB’s whilst at all times remaining dirty, filthy and cheating.  Stephen B. Brett almost had an average game but his drop goal early in the first half only served to prove that he has no place in an Auckland based franchise.  At least we beat Queensland – a feat that Waikato and D.F.C. Canterbury couldn’t manage and ensures that statistically the Blues remain the best team in the Super 14.
I awoke this morning (I write this on Sunday night whilst watching Melbourne beat Sydney in extra time in the A-League) with a supersized headache that was not helped by the news that both the ‘Canes and the High-Landers were defeated by the Cheetahs and the Stormers respectively.  Both games were deleted from MySky immediately and any report I could write on either match would be entirely fabricated.  Fabrication of sporting reports is a specialty of mine but I must continue on and leave room for the really big match of the weekend – The Mighty Mighty Phoenix versus the Newcastle Jets.
Yes folks, the 3rd class tickets I bought for the Phoenix bandwagon last year (the ones by the exit) paid off as I spent this afternoon alternating between despair and rapture in front of a game of football.  The match had everything... a sellout crowd that the ‘Canes could only dream of, more dives than a 10m springboard competition and more drama than a Paris Hilton night out.  The Jets scored against the run of play in the 20th minute and it wasn’t until 13 minutes later that Tim Brown managed to get some value for the possession that the Phoenix enjoyed.  The second half threw up more chances to score than a night at Cowboy Bar but, much like many of the regulars there, the conversion rate was zero.  Extra time was called for and it was Paul Ifill that towered over the rest of the Phoenix and scored the go ahead goal having had two opportunities to finish the game in regular time.  I went right over the top, screaming and yelling to no one in particular, barely taking notice of the third goal scored by Eugene “Who’s your” Dadi that ensured the Nix would get a semi-final shot.
I’m embarrassed to admit it (and maybe things would be different if the Blues dropped, sacked or shot Stephen B. Brett) but I enjoyed the Nix game more than any other sporting fixture this weekend.  My M.M.B’s have a bye next weekend.  That’s good news for me because at 1900 on Saturday night the Mighty Mighty ‘Nix are going to make New Zealand football history – and I’m not missing that for anything.